Purple Prose

Ah, purple prose. Those ornate, over-the-top descriptions that stop the reader mid-sentence. Romance writers have, in the past, been offenders, though they are certainly not the only ones. Writing about sex does seem to bring out the worst in writers, even those who are otherwise perfectly decent wordsmiths.

The truth is that it’s difficult to write good sex scenes. Our anatomical vocabulary is somewhat limited, ranging between the clinical and the outright offensive. So it’s understandable that writers would try to vary their prose by providing more creative descriptive passages. Thus we have ‘throbbing manhood,’ ‘love cavern,’ and ‘pulsing pinnacle of desire.’ You get the idea.

All About Romance used to run the annual Purple Prose Parody Contest, which was replete with cringe-inducing howlers. One of my favorites is “The Spinster's Tutor" by Tina Engler, which spoofs Robin Schone's style. To fully appreciate the parody, you have to have read Schone. But even if you haven't, you can still appreciate phrases describing the hero's manhood as "an avenging one-eyed god" or the hero himself as an "excellent marksman...[her] maidenhead as his target."

N.B. Don't try to drink coffee and read the parodies at the same time.

Synonyms

I have been struggling the last few days. Struggling to find synonyms for @ss. In editing my work-in-progress, I've found that the word '@ss' is appearing with alarming frequency in paragraph after paragraph. Okay, maybe not that frequently. But there is some, uh, admiring going on between the hero and heroine. Being a very careful self-editor, I'm trying to avoid repeating myself. Thus, the Search for Synonyms.

I've discovered a number of words that refer to that portion of the anatomy. However, for various reasons, none of the synonyms are quite appropriate. For example: I do not find the word 'buttocks' to be in any way erotic. Ditto 'cheeks.' 'Rear' reminds me of car parts. 'Fanny' is out because it means something, er, more intimate for British readers.

My sister, who missed her calling as a stand-up comedian, suggested 'fundament.' Is it just me, or is 'fundament' Not Hot? Furthermore, I suspect (without checking the Oxford English Dictionary) that 'fundament' refers to something rather more specific than 'buttocks.' Sigh.

I've always been a great believer in the versatility of the English language. I am finding as an erotic romance writer, however, that English is comparatively impoverished when it comes to human anatomy. Our choices generally seem to be either clinical terms or insults. I try to avoid the clinical, as it creates distance between hero and heroine. One wouldn't expect the hero to be musing lustfully upon the firm suspensory ligaments of the heroine's breasts, for example.

'Purple prose' is another alternative, but I can't write it without howling with laughter. More on purple prose in another post.